ianthopia

Well, here I am?

2009-06-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

I had totally forgotten I had a blogspot diary, so I was surprised it was still here. I was even more surprised that I updated last year. February 2008. I recall that was such a depressing month. I had decided that this blog would change from a selling stuff site to a blog for sad words. Things have changed since then, March was a wonderful month, thank God. And I never talked to Cherie or Liz again, which was the sad part. I started to avoid pulling long faces and started pretending to have fun, and the psychologists were right. If you start pretending you are enjoying yourself, soon you'll find yourself really enjoying yourself. I adapted to that class, became a hugger, and opened up way more but at the expense of my mgs weirdness and hyper behaviour. Issues stayed so I learned to block out memories, and thank goodness for that skill. Acjc could be considered a painful time, and I'm sure if I changed my attitude and matured more in those 2 years it could have been magical. But as always, when I think of actually turning back time and reliving those years again, I think of all the conversations, learnings, experiences good, bad and horrible I would have to go through again and think- How uninteresting is that. We just have move on. You don't have time to have regrets and ifonlys. Just accept it, and carry on..

That should be it for the troubles of a kid in school theme. I had an offline diary for 2008 and it was mostly about school. I felt so stupid for actually being affected by those sort of trivial things, even while writing it. I still am. I still believe I have different proprieties in life than others. Things that should be important don't affect me at all. Let's hope university is different.

It had been so long that I had no gmail account for this (since when was blogger and gmail one and the same?) but yes it's all settled now. I'll definitely be using this blog for the less private but still pretty personal thoughts. Just for me. If you somehow stumble here, move on, there is nothing interesting here.

not meant to be read

2008-02-06T00:19:00.001-08:00

well today i spent an hour wandering in orchard road waiting for cherie and liz to finish their stuff with other friends although they said we would go out together after school. i gave up and walked home. no im not angry at that, i know it just reminds me that i have no actual friends in acjc. all i have done is to make better friends with mg classmates, and once again thats not something im unhappy about, im really thankful for them cos if they werent there, 'school would be a hellhole'. but the problem is that thats as much as our friendship will go. im hanging out with firm friends who have been bff for close to 10 years. its wrong and also very impossible to even try to butt in. and they are the only people i hang out with. the rest of the class is filled with people i cant relate with,. the problem of being just friend slash classmates (who have already found who they like being with) is that we only can just laugh at each others antics. with my issues and life schedule, going out with them is weird, so i will never get to know them better, and i will never be able to be myself around them. the friends in class, however needy they are for some ianthe attention during lesson have great friends they can run around with outside class. moreover they have sec school friends that will just drop everything to be together. although people might not really think that i care for my old friends (my issues again), i really really need them, even if i reject any offer to go out together or whatever. i know they all have their own set of friends and probably as happy with school as i am. i just wish i found some people i could actually talk to in acjc. a year has past and i let some of those people sip away. this is why i like pae class. i believe that (without dewei intervention) i would have made great friends and have great fun talking to them. jeanette? yes. teng? yes. jefri? yes. daryle? honchyte? of course. the people i thought would be impossible to talk to are now friendly to me (teresa, sam w). it was just a matter of time. grace is a great example. we continued talking via blogs and we have a better relationship than in paeaa4. if dewei wasnt there to make me notice every single flaw in them, they would at least be great aquaintences rather than the figments from my past. another minor reason is jialin. im sorry, but she made me really scared of these people by pointing out how freaky they were. anyway yea for some of these old classmates, i only uttered like a total of 5 words to them. however, these guys were interesting. even now i wished i tried talking to them instead of believing the bitching i head about them. something i noticed for a long time is that people like clara cheryl joshua etc (the new kids) is that once i make friends with them, there is like nothing else. thats the max i can go, to just say hello. yeah i know they are cool, i know they have great fashion sense yeah i know they are really fun. but what else? cant relate to them at all. what i miss about orientation/pae period is the singular relationships i had with various people. they are all destroyed because of my cowardness. actually i really cant blame it on dewei or jialin. its just me. i was too scared to talk to hc ,although he looked friendly, after he didnt make it back to ac when i did (we were on slightly better terms in cj that might have become better), i was too scared to wave at daryle after he switched classes and was obviously unhappy in co. im daoing benjamin and many others so much that it has become so embarrassing. ok im only mentioning these same few people, but there were so much more. the relationships i couldnt control were the ones where the other guy went into another jc. old friends i dont see much around school arent as interested in talking with me. example. i saw suetwai after like 3 months and feeling genuinely happy, i call out to her and attempt to give her my half hug. she smiles back, waves back and shuffs beehoon into her mouth. i love people who i can still talk even if we dont see each other much. co makes me happy cos i got some friends there, but because of my issues, they are some things in there which im terrified of. certain people, certain processes. i just cant relax there as well. these friends cant be firm friends because its co. in acjc. no one really wants to hang out together 24/7 as a co. we are not like the band. i felt all these in mg but there were always friends i could rely on. i dont have to real chummy with them. i know i would be happy if they were just near. they might not know cos i look so indifferent. im not a really sociable person, i cant even pretend i am. i dont mind being without company, although its now doing harm to me. i can only hope uni would be better. God please take all these things away.

2006-06-04T06:25:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to see how my language in blogging progressed in 2 years. This is not my actual blog, so there's no activity going on in here. This will be my entry for the year 2006.

If you chance upon here and want to go to my actual blog, try guessing what my username is. It's in diaryland. It's really simple actually=) There you will discover theories you never heard of and you will experience laughter to its fullest extent.

Aha now it's up to you whether you believe me or not.

some stuff for sale...

2005-07-01T16:20:00.000-07:00

shows to be watched on computer
naruto ep01-76 action adventure comedy magic martial arts $20 [sold]
azumanga daioh ep01-26 comedy school life$20
serial experiments lain ep01-13 drama science-fiction$10
!BOA! mtvs pop$5
scryed ep01-26 action adventure science-fiction$20
final fantasy unlimited ep01-25 action adventure fantasy science-fiction$20
full metal panic ep 01-24 action mecha school life science-fiction$20
hellsing ep01-13 action adventure horror$13
end of evangelion movie action mecha science-fiction$10
gundam seed ep01-15 action mecha science-fiction$10
wolf's rain ep01-12 action$10
BoA mtv pop $5[sold]

magazines- newtype. usa version some highlights of it
AUG03 VOL 8-- madhouse, sakura wars, initial D, gadguard, kaleido stars, last exile, heat guy j, iron wok jan, the princess blade, record of lodoss war

SEPT04 VOL9-- stellvia, kiddy grade, samurai champloo, chrono crusade, get backers, robotch: invasion, ghost in the shell 2, inuyasha, leady death, stratos 4, dead leaves, gainax

NOV03 VOL 11-- angelic layer, the big o, gungrave, final fantsy unlimited, onegai twins, monkey punck, t.m. revolution, sora no stellivia

JUNE03 VOL6-- kiddy grade, inside studio 4 [degrees], full metal panic, chobits, best of the anime, sci-fi harry, samurai deeper kyo, wolfs rain, last exile, scrapped princess

APR04 VOL4-- j.c. staff, azumanga daioh, aura battler dunbine, appleseed, moso dairinin, final fantasy unlimited, astroboy, tokyo godfathers, peace maker kurogame, gungrave

OCT04 VOL 10-- d.n. angel, paranoia agent, sister princess, please twins!, my hime, kaleido star, gloomy bear, inside xebec, ah! my goddess, petite princess yuchie, shaman king, excel saga

ALL LIKE BRAND NEW & 12 BUCKS. [u.p. $20 each] costs more if you want the dvd they give [kino's journey, king of bandit jing etc. price to be confirmed]

tell me if you wanna buy. give you details if you ask.

[note] if you have the issue with the cover of witch hunter robin and the word 'firestarter' on it, tell me if you want to sell it to me

updating..

2005-05-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

arlo=) i havnt updated in this blog for so long. makes no diff cos you ppl have been loyaly going to my main blog right?(:

wow the exams are gone and im going to UK. this is kinda exciting dont you think?=)

sad day

2004-07-06T02:46:00.000-07:00

hehe i just decided 2 write into this long-not-used blog:) i use diaryland.com